Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
