so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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