my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
