I wish I could punch you in the face.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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