mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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