Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
