Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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