i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
