I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
