You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
