If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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