did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
