I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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