I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
