If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
