Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
