I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
