dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize