as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
