hell yes lets make some ravioli
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
