My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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