My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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