Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
