did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
