I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
