So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
