I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
