She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
