'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
