i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
