You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
