I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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