She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize