Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
