just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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