i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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