I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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