I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
