saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're like the curious george of whores
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
