3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize