And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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