I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
