I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
