she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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