if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
