Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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