oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
