Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
