he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
