I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
