OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
