If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we should paint friendship bongs
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