There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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