When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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