Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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