There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
