How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
