woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
