I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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