i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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