I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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