He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just gargled with NyQuil
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
