i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
