I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
