just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
