Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
