Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
false alarm, still single
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
