Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
