do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
40s are totally the cure
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
