i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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