i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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