They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
