Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
