She said her name was "party"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
