Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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